Nothing That's Sad Lasts Forever

Praying through sorrow

A couple of months ago, I was on a prayer retreat, sitting in silence, drinking in the presence of the Lord. In that peaceful place of communion, His voice came to me, and He asked me, “What have you lost that you have not grieved?” 

I knew this was an invitation to take stock of what was precious or meaningful to me— people, opportunities, relationships, or all kinds of blessings— that had been lost, while my response had been to simply let go and stoically move on. What followed in my prayer retreat, was a beautiful time of listening as He reminded me of losses, and one by one I held them before Him for as long as I felt I needed to, acknowledging their worth and the sadness in my heart over the gap that they had left. It was an important way to bring peace and closure that I hadn’t known I needed.

DEALING WITH LOSS

How do we deal with loss, be it an actual death, or the myriads of other ways that our broken world touches our life with pain? Treasures run through our fingers like sand, and regardless of how tightly we grasp them, we can’t always preserve them. How do we pray when we encounter loss; or do we?

Historically, I have processed loss in one of three ways: I either minimised the value of what I had lost (essentially denying it was a true loss), or I contended in intercession for its restoration, or I just, well, avoided dealing with it altogether! But this sweet and deep time with Jesus where past losses were recounted and honoured, has shifted my approach to loss and in some ways, given me the capacity to make room for the presence of loss in my life without trying to fix it.

In the weeks after this shift, these are two important perspectives that God grounded me with that you might find helpful:

• Don’t be ashamed of the reality that there is loss in your life, and it’s left either an acute or lingering sadness. We tend to want to present to others that our life is one of only ever, going from victory to victory. Why do we find it hard to say something like, “Yeah, I lost my business during Covid and that has been really heart-breaking” without adding some kind of spin about how it’s actually all even so much better now? Pride maybe?
  

• Hold sadness inside the bigger reality of eternity. “Nothing that’s sad lasts forever” is a quote, I believe, attributed to C.S. Lewis. This puts us in touch with the much bigger reality that Jesus, with His resurrection, has put in motion the new creation, and this will culminate at His return when “sorrow and sighing will flee away” (Isa 35:10 KJV). Every situation that is dysfunctional, disappointing, oppressive, tragic, or unjust, which does and should cause us to grieve, will be made right.

He will wipe away every tear from their eyes,' and there will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the former things have passed away. Rev 21:4

However, with this as our posture —simultaneously acknowledging loss and knowing that the new creation is soon coming in fullness— God has not asked us to be stoic. Jesus wasn’t, remember how he wept at Lazarus’s death? Isaiah even describes Him as one who is “acquainted with grief” (Isa 53:3), perhaps this was in part, the sorrow He carried because of the premature death of Joseph, His earthly step-father.

AQUAINTED WITH GRIEF

Jesus understands this complex emotion, He walks with us and encourages us to pray as a way of processing and clinging to Him. With an acute loss, that might begin in a place of lament, perhaps a torrent of prayer where we honestly express the pain and sorrow, the anger, or the confusion that leaves us with so many questions.  

But then… as emotion subsides somewhat, we begin to respond to God in other ways. When a loss has been more in the nature of a deterioration, the emotion might be more subtle, but the very real sadness is still present. Inevitably, however, while loss points us to prayer, we don’t always know how to pray. Considering all this, here are three postures in prayer that you could consider as you process loss with God.

1) Some things that we have lost, we can offer as gifts to the Lord. We can offer them as a costly, sacrificial gift even if we hadn’t planned on “giving them”. Take back your agency, don’t be a victim, choose to give, like Jesus chose to lay down His life. Think of His words:“No one takes it from me, but I lay it down of my own accord.” (Jn 10:18). For example: maybe years were invested in med school with the goal to be a missionary doctor, but then you had to drop out in your final year. Oh no!! Yet, God sees your heart in that endeavour, and even though when listed on your resume, these might look like wasted years, still He receives your invested time as an offering given for His glory, for He sees your heart.

Another example might be the years of care and ministry you gave to a friend, lost in addiction, ending in a tragic, fatal overdose. You didn’t end up with the result you had sacrificed for— your friend’s sobriety and healing— but your love and labour was a sweet-smelling offering to the Lord, and He receives it. Remember too, David’s declaration: “I will not offer to the Lord that which costs me nothing.” (2 Sam 24:24). Some of our losses are actually offerings to the Lord, yes, they were painfully costly, but don’t regret giving them, let them be gifts of worship (Rom 12:1).

2) Some things that we have lost, we let go of and trust for their redemption, we commit them to the Lord. He is the one who has the hairs on our heads numbered, so when we lose something, even as inconsequential as a hair; He’s aware. He loves us so much that even with small losses that matter to us, He notices and wants to be with us, comforting us in that place of grief. So we stand in faith, believing that the Father knows, the Father cares, and the Father can bring even scattered, dry bones back to life. Jesus is the Resurrection, which means everything about His kingdom has this same DNA of resurrection infused into it. It’s inescapable.

We must, however, be willing to let God choose the nature and form of that resurrection, we can’t demand it will look exactly like we want or expect. We also need to be willing to let Him choose the timing of that resurrection. It is certain, because nothing that’s sad lasts forever, but is it in this life or in the one to come?

3) Some things that we have lost, we must persistently and earnestly seek in prayer for restoration. This especially applies to broken relationships, but it also applies to issues of our heart. Lost trust, vision, hope, peace, joy… these are all available to be restored, don’t settle for less than abundant life in the matters of your heart and your walk with God. It’s not ok to remember wistfully how you once had a beautiful, intimate relationship with Jesus but now it’s all you can do to dutifully attend church and your devotional life has gone to seed. Fight for what was lost. Get before God in honesty and faith, repentance where that’s necessary, knowing that it’s not His will for you to have anything less than deep, joyous, communion with Him.

If your relationship with the Church has suffered loss, this is another place to prayerfully pursue restoration. Don’t let go of this! Knock, seek, and ask for either a turnaround in your current situation or a new place to fellowship that is safe and your life in a gospel-centred community can be rebuilt.

In summary, we’ve all suffered losses, yet let’s not just compartmentalise that grief and close the door on it. Perhaps your losses have been in your health… or your career, finances, family (or grief for the family that never was), church splits, alienated friends, or the loss of reputation—what do we do? Let’s grieve in the presence of God and then gradually discern if we are to:

a.        offer these as gifts of worship, 

b.        commit them to the Lord for resurrection,

c.         or to contend in prayer for restoration.

But lift your eyes, because truly— nothing that’s sad lasts forever.

Photo by Kristina Tripkovic on Unsplash